Bee

I peered into the chink and saw a bee. Very strange, I thought, a single bee sitting in a chink in the wall in the middle of winter. Where’s your hive, bee? I asked it. Didn’t you make it back before the snows hit? You’re here for the duration now anyway. He wasn’t moving at all. He was just sitting there. I’m looking at you bee, are you looking back? You’re looking back at me I think. I put my finger to the chink. Climb on, bee. He sat there. Don’t worry bee, that’s my finger, it’s not some other creature. Still a cautious wee bee. Climb on bee, and we’ll go over to the fire and get warm. That convinced him all right. He walked over to the finger. He felt it a bit with his feelers and then what did he do he climbed on. Good bee.

I tentatively took him over to the table near the fire. I put him down and he climbed off my finger. Thanks, he said, it was damn cold in that chink. You’re okay bee, sure there’s enough warmth out here for human and bee alike. Have you any jam? Asked bee. Jam? I’ve plenty of jam. I’d love now a bit of jam, bee said. Okay bee I’ll organise the jam and then we can relax and watch a bit of T.V.. You can have jam and I’ll have biscuits. Bees equals jam, humans equals biscuits. I won’t eat your jam and you don’t eat my biscuits and we’ll get along fine.

I found a bit of jam in the press and put it on a spoon for him and put it on the table. There you go bee, bit of jam for you. I sat down with my biscuits on the couch next to him and him with his jam and turned on the T.V.. He wasn’t long on the jam right enough. He was all over it. Like that jam, bee? I do like a bit of jam now and then he said. Nothing wrong with that bee. I’ll say nothing about the jam and you say nothing about the biscuits. You’re going mad for that jam all right bee. I can’t get enough, he says. Well don’t overdo it now. He started his buzzing a bit, getting excited about the jam. It’s nice out here bee, isn’t it? No warmth or jam back in the chink, is there? But he wasn’t listening, he was too busy buzzing about the jam. That’s strawberry jam bee, probably my favourite too. But he wasn’t listening. I said bee, that’s strawberry jam, are you listening bee? Bee! Listen to me! Whatever, says the bee, leave me alone to enjoy my jam will you? I’m trying to talk to you bee. He wasn’t listening again.

That’s it, I thought. Enough of the jam. He’s had enough jam now. You’ve had enough jam now bee, I said. Buzz, he says. I’m going to confiscate the jam. You’re not says he. There’s such a thing as too much of a good thing bee. Don’t take the jam! Bee says. I have to bee, you’ve gone mad on it altogether. I lifted the spoon with the jam off the table and walked over to the kitchen. What did he do but he flew up buzzing into the air and followed me. Or followed the spoon more like. That’s enough of this now bee, no more jam for now. You can have a bit more later if you’re good and that’s that. But he wouldn’t listen. Buzz to that, he says, I want my jam. It’s not your jam bee. Jam, he says.

I was getting a bit annoyed with this bee now and his whole obsession with jam. I was standing over the sink so I put the spoon under the tap and turned on the water. The jam slipped off the spoon and away down the plughole. Bee was looking down at it from his position on the shelf above. I looked at him and he looked at me. What did you do that for? He asked. You’ve had too much jam bee, come on now and we’ll go back over there and have a conversation by the fire. I don’t want a conversation with you, says the bee. Come on now bee don’t be a baby about this. You’re some character, bee says. Leave it bee. You’re some evil piece of equipment. Enough now bee, I said and I turned away from him and walked over in the direction of the couch again.

Next thing there was a buzzing at my ear. I jumped. What are you at bee? I’m at flying about, says bee. Well stop flying about my head bee. Well give me back my jam then. He flew about from my ear to the other ear to my nose and all over and around my head till all I could hear was buzzing. Behave yourself bee! Bad bee! Jam! He says. No more jam bee! He flew round and around and around. He was at one ear and I swiped but by the time I got there he was already at the other ear and round and round he went and every now and then he’d say Jam. But then I double bluffed him and swiped at my ear when he was nowhere near it and didn’t it work and I whacked him right across the room. Now bee!

I walked over to where he was lying under the curtains. That’s what happens now bee, I said. I looked down at him. He was on his back. He wasn’t moving except for one leg was twitching away. Are you happy now bee? I said. I studied him for a minute. He was hurt pretty bad I thought. Are you okay bee? No answer. Are you alive bee? I hurt him pretty bad. The one leg was twitching slower as I looked at him. You’re hurt bee, aren’t you? He didn’t answer at all. Talk to me bee. Nothing. I got down on me knees to look closer at him. Let me look at you bee. You’re some handful bee I’ll tell you that. Are you okay? He just lay there on his back. The leg stopped twitching. Are you dead bee? Are you dead or alive? No reply from bee. He’s dead, I thought. Killed himself over jam. You’re dead bee, aren’t you? You’re a dead bee.

I sat back. I gave him a small nudge with my finger. Climb on bee, if you’re alive. Nothing from bee. You’re gone bee, you’re gone. I rolled him onto the palm of my hand and checked him one more time. He was dead all right. I’ll put you back in the chink bee. That’s where you’re from bee. You belong in the chink. I took him over to the chink and put him in. Bye bee.